Pop-Gun Offence Pops Out In Playoff Losses

The Super Channel Stars' first (last?) season came to a disappointing end on Saturday, as the Stars dropped both playoff games by scores of 14-5 and 14-6, respectively.

But let's focus on the positives here, eh? The Stars had NINE players on the day, and all of them showed up on time, which makes for the biggest moral victory of the season. Plus, despite the team's collective inability to create offence, the defence was quite sound.

The first game matched the Stars against the Oilers at 8:30 AM. The Stars had to wait to settle into their team dugout, having to wake the incumbent residents (in the form of two homeless people) before they could set up shop. After Arthur hit a three-run home run to start off the game, the Oilers came back over the next seven innings to post a 14-5 victory in a game that took under an hour to play.

The loss should have matched the Stars against the losers of the Global TV-New Cap Radio game for the right to go to the prestigious "D" Final. However, for once, the Stars actually benefited from a default loss, as New Cap were no-shows against Global. Result? The Stars had a direct pass to the "D" Final, where they would face the Cushman Wakefielders.

Unfortunately, the result was very similar, with the Stars losing the final 14-6, and also losing the chance of wearing the "D" Championship medals (made up of various bottlecaps found around Airways Park) around their collective neck. Everyone went home slightly distraught, more than slightly sunburned, but comfortable in the fact that they gave it their best.

Watch for a season review soon!

Stars Dress Ten(!) Players In Season Ending Loss

The Super Channel Stars achieved one of their largest moral victories of the season, fielding TEN players (eventually) in a 17-5 loss to the Avengers that closed out the 2008 regular season. Jeff Cowie was finally able to make it out to another game (eventually) to pitch in only his second contest of the year. His first was a win for the Stars - something which only happed one other time all year.....

But, with this tune-up against the top notch Avengers out of the way, the Stars are ready for the playoffs on Saturday, August 23. Well, they would be, if half of their players weren't out of town that weekend. (And when you consider that THAT half of players is about a half of the number that originally signed up to play at the beginning of the year....well, you do the math.) But rest assured, a team will be in place to bring home sort of of consolation prize for the Stars in their inaugural season!

Go Stars!

Darrrrrr-yyyyylll! Darrrrrr-yyyyylll!

So, with less than two hours before gametime, and with a whopping 14 players confirmed for the Super Channel Stars' game against the Vunderbatz, I, confident for the first time since...well, ever, that we would field a team comprising of more than the bare minimum of eight players, sat back in my chair and beamed, recalling a scene in the Simpsons' classic episode "Homer at the Bat".

In the episode (for those who are unaware of its existence), Mr. Burns, owner of the local nuclear plant, hires nine Major League Baseball pros for token jobs at the plant simply to stack his company softball team and win the championship. The day before the big game, Burns sits back in his chair and beams (much as I did), and says :

"Smithers, there's no way I can lose this bet. Unless, of course, my nine all-stars fall victim to nine separate misfortunes and are unable to play tomorrow. But that will never happen! Three misfortunes, that's possible. Seven misfortunates, there's an outside chance. But nine misfortunes? I'd like to see that!"

Of course, amazingly, eight of the nine afore-mentioned all-stars did indeed fall victim to eight separate misfortunes, setting the pattern for my own misadventure last night. Numerous emails, text messages and phone calls deluged me in the span of half an hour, all from players canceling at the last minute due to rain, drought, famine, or some other apocryphal event that would prevent them from making the game.

The last email came early Tuesday morning from an angry member of the Vunderbatz, who chastised me for leaving their team high and dry (the key word being DRY, as no rain at all fell on Velma Baker Park on Monday night). I could only sigh and take my beatings from him, depressed in the fact that we never had a Darryl Strawberry on the team who just might have escaped misfortune and hit nine home runs (and, perhaps, play nine field positions simultaneously) and lead us to victory.

Anyway, the last regular season game (and, at this rate, the last in franchise history) will take place on Thursday, August 14 against the Avengers at sunny Kaskitayo Park.

Blah Blah Blah

Blah blah blah not enough players blah blah 28-7 blah blah blah game halted mercifully after four and a half merciless innings blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah next default loss game Monday, August 11 blah blah blah.

Dynamite First and Last Innings Power Stars To Heartbreaking Loss

Puppies!

The Super Channel Stars scored the maximum seven runs in their first at bat, then followed it up with an astounding eight runs in the top of the seventh inning. It's the intervening five innings where the production faltered, as the Stars eventually dropped a 22-19 to Le Franco (or, as translated into French, 22-19). If you're doing the math at home, that's :

19 runs total (19)

minus (-)

7 runs in the first inning (7)

minus (-)

8 runs in the seventh inning (8)

equals (=)

4 runs over the course of the second through sixth innings (crap)

Still, the game was not without its highlights. Steven, after having many a homerun sail over, past, and around him in right field all game, managed to even the karmic baseball balance with only his second home run....um....ever, and his first one hit right handed. Brad made up for his, in his own words, "worst ball game of his entire life"* with a couple solid pokes into the outfield. Arthur had some rotten luck, having many of his best pitches socked far into the outfield, and then having many of his best hits at the plate caught unexpectedly by unexpectedly unsuspect infielders.

The field at Velma Baker also left a bit to be desired, as the recently aerated grounds left hundreds of pellets of dirt, making the playing surface feel akin to gravel. But then, it is Millwoods.

The Stars will next see action on Tuesday, July 29.

Mudville Has Nothing On Us

Brad and Thom put in their best rendition of "Casey at the Bat"

With their regular pitchers Cowie, Harnaik, Arthur, and John out of the lineup, and with only a stable of requisite belly itchers from which to draw, the Stars struggled in a 26-8 loss to the Modern Rock Missionaries on Monday night. Nick took the loss on the mound, taking over from Steven after the latter had one of softball's more inept pitching debuts. However, with Nick on the mound and not able to make the same stellar defensive plays as he made last Thursday....well, truth be told, the ball mostly went over third base. And over second base. And don't think Thom in right field was being ignored, either, as the Stars surrendered more than a few large hits, responding in kind by striking out as a team at least three times. Two of those strikeouts were immortalized in digital celluloid as viewed above for all to enjoy.

Back on the horse, though, eh, gang? The next game is tonight at 7:...er, 6:45 PM at Velma Baker #1 against Radio-Canada.

Extra Inning Is Extra Crap For Stars

A cat plays baseball against a pitcher with no fingers

For anyone watching last night's Super Channel Stars' game (as if we have ever had enough people come out to a game to allow someone to stand by and watch), they would think that the most shocking and appalling aspect of the game was Reg Hagerman's strikeout in the bottom of the seventh, leaving the winning run roughly 122 metric feet away from home plate.

But, no, it got worse.

The Stars succumbed to some defensive miscues and what must obviously have been some late steroid reactions on the part of the CTV Sweatsox' batters, as every CTV batter crushed every ball pitched their way into the outfield and beyond, scoring 10 runs in the top of the eighth inning on their way to a 24-16 win over the Stars.

The game started poorly and ended poorly for the Stars. They allowed the first 10 runs of the game before getting on the board with a single run in the bottom of the second. But, lo! The Stars managed to claw their way back, eventually taking a 13-11 lead with Arthur's grand slam in the bottom of the sixth inning. The Sweatsox scored three runs in the top of the seventh to take a one-run lead into the bottom half of the inning. After the Stars managed to push one run across to tie the game at 14-14, and with Brad on second base, eager to score the winning run, Reg did the unthinkable. He struck out swinging for the first time since John Turner was Prime Minister, leaving Brad stranded on base, and setting the table for the calamity that was the extra inning.

Thus, the Stars' winning streak is halted at one (1) again, but the squad will have a couple attempts to get back on their feet next week, when they play TWO games in TWO nights - Monday against the Modern Rock Missionaries, and Tuesday vs. Radio-Canada (although we're still waiting for confirmation about that Tuesday game....).

Ringers Help Stars Snatch Victory From The Jaws of Default

Thanks to some late day heroics in patching together an actual lineup for Super Channel's game against Koch, the Stars eked out a 20-18 (or was it 20-16?) victory in 7 innings (or was it 8?) over the Koch Kaotics. Jeff Cowie made his first start of the season from the mound, striking out two batters in one inning in a masterful performance. Celeste Hunka started her first game of the year, playing first base. Jannette Hurshowy also played in her first game of the season, proving to be a rock at 3rd base, and her husband, Brad, ever a reluctant convert to softball, manned home plate and socked a couple balls long into the outfield.

And all this after the game was, during the course of the day, off due to rain, then on, then off due to a lack of players for the Stars, then off again for no reason whatsoever, which meant two offs in a row, which meant it was on (in sports, two offs make an on. Trust me).

Matching the Stars' best ever winning streak (one game), the Stars look to take this season to the next level (roar!) when they play the CTV Sweatsox on Thursday, July 17, at Argyll Park.

Baseball!

The Guys (and Girls) Get Shirts - That's Just The Way It Is

Several games (and several postponements) into the season, the Super Channel Stars finally had a jersey to call their own, as the team was resplendent in their orange and white (and, for some reason only known to United Cycle Team Sales, blue) jerseys for their game against Gigantor.

The jerseys were nice and bright, yet the main complaints were that their small fit and lack of breathability. If only the new duds were as porous as the Stars' defence on this night, as Gigantor found the holes in between the octet of Super Channel fielders to pace their way to a mildly convincing 34-10 win.

After Amanda's dangerous turn at second base early in the season resulted in her having to artfully dodge several line drives, her lesser half Terry fared worse at third base on this night. Terry's arms and upper body looked as bruised and battered as a losing fighter on Super Channel Fights!.

Although only 8 players managed to make it out for the game, your humble manager (who is pictured above, posing with no sense of irony or sarcasm) promises that NEXT game on Monday, July 14 will be different, with Art Chin, Jeff Cowie, and others back in the lineup, etc......well, we'll believe it when we see it.

Tornado Watch Halts Stars' Losing Streak

For the second time this season, a Stars' game has been rained out. This time, the effect was made more evident by an actual tornado watch, the 1,378th such panicky watch since July 31, 1987. The postponement also delayed the Stars from having to endure seven innings of hell from the league's top team, the Avengers, who will no doubt live up to their name later this season when the game is rescheduled.

Crushing Defeats For Hillary Clinton, Super Channel Stars

Hillary Clinton officially lost the Democratic nomination to Barack Obama last night, as Obama won both the Montana and South Dakota primaries. In a shocking coincidence(?), several thousand miles away, the Super Channel Stars were beaten up and had their lunch money stolen by the Screamin' Eagles 35-10.

Like Hillary, though, who has no mathematical chance of coming back in the race (for the race) to the White House, the Stars, battered by their 1-4 record, will take their chances against the Avengers next week. If you were to look at the standings (which I am unable to post on this site as of yet), the Avengers are not bad. And by "not bad", I mean "first place".

But fear not, team. Just remember this - win or lose, everybody makes the playoffs.....

Only Eight Players Show Up For Stars' Loss; Ghost of Satchel Paige Sought For Help

So it's come to this - after a staggering 20-odd people signed up for the inaugural season of the Super Channel Stars, only eight players managed to turn up for the Stars' 17-12 loss to New Cap Radio on Tuesday night. (Editor's note : This reporter should talk - he won't be able to attend another game until July...)

Still, the game was eventful enough, even without the lack of attendees. Team leader Reg Hagerman (indeed, a contemporary of Satchel Paige (pictured above)) had a running battle with one of the players from New Cap that lasted the whole game. Insults and jibber jabber were thrown back and forth with great aplomb. The Stars managed to turn another double play, their second in as many games, as the defence continues to round into shape. Poor Ian Holmes displayed the Nova Scotia-bred baseball instincts displayed by his brother Ron by striking out no less than three times. Ron, you will remember, famously whiffed on at least 79 straight pitches at the team's first practice in early May.

Hope appears to be not lost, though. Superstar pitcher Jeff Cowie is rumoured to be making his first appearance of the season for the team's next game (Editor's note: Cowie's debut will now be pushed back to June 17), and stalwarts Amanda and Terry will also be back in the fold to bring the squad back to a full roster and, no doubt, a crushing victory over whichever team they'll be playing.

Rainy Day Sun

Alas, the weather deities were not kind to outdoor sports on Wednesday night, forcing the Super Channel Stars and Le Franco to hunker under tarps (or, more likely, to just stay home) for their scheduled contest at Velma Baker Park.

The league is looking into rescheduling the game, perhaps even as early as June. Stay tuned to this site for an announcement and subsequent press conference about the rescheduling. Until then - the next game sees the Stars taking on New Cap Radio on Tuesday, May 27.

Beckham Homerless In Stars' Loss To Global

Well, really, he did almost everything else in this city on Tuesday night, didn't he? Including luring several Stars players to Commonwealth Stadium to catch Becks' 75 contractually obligated playing minutes in an exhibition match against the Vancouver Whitecaps*.

As a result, only nine (9) players were able to show up at St. Dominic Field, located in downtown Lamont (or near enough for those who had to trek from the south side to attend the game). The Stars dropped a tough 27-15 decision at the hands of their cross parking lot brethern, Global TV. The highlight of the night was a double play involving infielders Troy Wassill and Kim Vanstone, the (you guessed it) first ever double play in Super Channel Stars history.

Things should be returning to normal, lineup wise, for the team's next game on May 21 against Le Franco, as several regulars will be back in the lineup.

*I still own a Vancouver Whitecaps beach towel from my youth. The Whitecaps defeated David Beckham's LA Galaxy (which I'm sure is their official name by now) 2-1. Part of me smiled inside.

We're Winners!

Even with an injured and depleted lineup, the Super Channel Stars won their first ever game in franchise history Thursday night with a 29-13 win over Astral Media. Your humble reporter on these events must admit that he was not around for the bulk of the action, managing to stay at the contest long enough to see the Stars pound out 14 runs over the first two innings. And all this with only nine players in the lineup.

What did I say earlier? Yes, that's right. Dynasty.

Hopefully, though, more folks will show up for the team's next game on May 13 against the dreaded Global TV (dreaded!). However, I will, once again, be absent from the game, so I'll probably make up the post game writeup that glorifies our contribution, minimizes the damage, and alters the score to best suit our needs.

Stars Lose Season Opener

See that photo above? That is the first ever pitch in Super Channel Stars history, delivered to Reg Hagerman, who promptly placed it deftly into center field for the first ever hit in team history. After an inning and a half, the score was 9-1 Stars (the first ever 9-1 lead in team history), and, clearly, a dynasty was born....

Well, ok, so the Stars' opponents, the Express, came back and scored 22 of the next 23 runs scored in the game to eventually win the contest 23-14, but the Stars performed well in the loss. With 16 players to cycle in and out of the lineup, there were scribbles aplenty on the Stars' lineup card as everyone got to try their hand at BUILDING THE DYNASTY.

Amanda Lippert managed to avoid several line drives directed at her head whilst playing second base. Steven Schapansky managed to get his uniform dirty for the 37th consecutive game (dating back to the Mobsters era). And Jon Lee was rewarded for his two home runs in three plate appearances by being benched for the second half of the game - it's what good managers do to win ball games.

Check back here for photos from the game and even a box score, once we all figure out how to post such things on this here internet thingy.

Next game : Thursday, May 8 vs Astral Media at Argyll Park.

Practice!

Team,

There is a practice afoot - Sunday, May 4 at 1:00 PM at Argyll Park. We'll hit some balls around, maybe even catch some and, subsequently, throw them back, only to catch them again.

So I hope to see you all there (preferably with money, for those of you who have yet to pay) with yer ball gloves and enthusiasm.

Yay, team!

Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Batboy

Meet your new manager, Reg Hagerman. Well, okay not entirely. But due to my other part time job, that of timekeeper for rec league hockey games (a job made necessary by a crippling debt load accumulated due to several layoffs after years of working in the TV industry), I will have to miss a great chunk of the first half of the season.

Sigh.

Reg, of course, ably ran the squad last season and so this should be no great stretch for him, but I can't thank him enough for stepping into the lurch to once again help the team. Not that anyone will miss me that terribly in the field or at the plate. I'm sure we'll be able to find someone else to miss routine fly balls in the outfield and hit bloop singles into the shallow outfield against teams that don't have enough players to field a rover.

In other news, clear the following dates from your calendar :

Saturday, August 16 - Sunday, August 17 : The annual Broadcaster's tournament, held this year in my lively hometown of Camrose. The last one of these that the Mobsters actually attended was back in 2002 in Calgary. We even managed to miss the one held in our own backyard of St. Albert a couple years hence. So, hopefully with three months forewarning, we can cull together enough people to field a team for this one.

Saturday, August 23 - The Playoffs (once again at Airways Park). Or, if it's rainy on the 23rd, the playoffs will be held on August 24. If it rains on THAT day, then the championship will be decided by playing RBI Baseball on the old Nintendo system.

Baseball!

Welcome to the OFFICIAL website of the Super Channel Stars slo-pitch team, playing their inaugural season in the Edmonton Media Slo-Pitch League (EMSL). Check back here often for game recaps, pictures, stories, comments, and assorted hijinks during the course of the season.

See that little guy at the top of the article? That's our mascot for right now. He doesn't have a name because he's stolen from the internet. He may look surly, but he's a hearty cherub of a chap, eager to lead the team along in its bid to win the Slo-Pitch Championship of the World*.

(*actual championship does not exist.)

Here's the latest news - the EMSL released its schedule last night. Look on the right hand column to see it for yourself. Plan your life around these 16 games now. Click on the name of each ball park and it will take you to a map of said ball park. Also listed is the 2008 Stars roster - go team!

Finally, this here Blogspot page may only be a temporary page. A new and even better one may be taking its place in the days to come - stay tuned, I say!

And let's play ball!