Darrrrrr-yyyyylll! Darrrrrr-yyyyylll!

So, with less than two hours before gametime, and with a whopping 14 players confirmed for the Super Channel Stars' game against the Vunderbatz, I, confident for the first time since...well, ever, that we would field a team comprising of more than the bare minimum of eight players, sat back in my chair and beamed, recalling a scene in the Simpsons' classic episode "Homer at the Bat".

In the episode (for those who are unaware of its existence), Mr. Burns, owner of the local nuclear plant, hires nine Major League Baseball pros for token jobs at the plant simply to stack his company softball team and win the championship. The day before the big game, Burns sits back in his chair and beams (much as I did), and says :

"Smithers, there's no way I can lose this bet. Unless, of course, my nine all-stars fall victim to nine separate misfortunes and are unable to play tomorrow. But that will never happen! Three misfortunes, that's possible. Seven misfortunates, there's an outside chance. But nine misfortunes? I'd like to see that!"

Of course, amazingly, eight of the nine afore-mentioned all-stars did indeed fall victim to eight separate misfortunes, setting the pattern for my own misadventure last night. Numerous emails, text messages and phone calls deluged me in the span of half an hour, all from players canceling at the last minute due to rain, drought, famine, or some other apocryphal event that would prevent them from making the game.

The last email came early Tuesday morning from an angry member of the Vunderbatz, who chastised me for leaving their team high and dry (the key word being DRY, as no rain at all fell on Velma Baker Park on Monday night). I could only sigh and take my beatings from him, depressed in the fact that we never had a Darryl Strawberry on the team who just might have escaped misfortune and hit nine home runs (and, perhaps, play nine field positions simultaneously) and lead us to victory.

Anyway, the last regular season game (and, at this rate, the last in franchise history) will take place on Thursday, August 14 against the Avengers at sunny Kaskitayo Park.